Going Through the Motions

Ugh, I've been so out of it. I hardly write anything here these days, the personal stuff I've been going through has been sucking me of any sort of mental and emotional energy. Sure I still get up in the morning, I do my make up, I put on clothes, I take pictures and I smile. But that's easy, you know? I'm going through the motions, as Buffy once sang (God I love that song).

song starts at about 1:20

I've been accumulating cute stuff for years and putting together some pieces really isn't that hard. Not to diss fashion or style in general or anything, but just because you know how to combine skinnies with a loose top and statement shoes, or a pretty printed dress with tights and quirky clogs or an edgy studded accessory or something doesn't mean you're winning at life. It just means you have a discerning eye and have picked up the dos and don'ts of fashion during your formative years. I'm not trying to say something meaningful here, don't worry. Clothes and fashion are loads of fun and I still love my pinks and glitters and florals just as much as I used to, I'm just saying that my heart isn't in it right now.

I feel so lame these days. Mediocre isn't good enough for me. But unlike Barney Stinson, I can't just stop being sad and be awesome instead. I still don't feel like talking about my personal issues in detail though. Most of my friends don't know what's up either. I just don't feel like telling the same story over and over and over again, reliving it all in my mind. The more I think about it, the more it hurts. But I feel like I needed to address this, even if you probably haven't noticed the lack of spark in my posts lately. I know it's there, or to be more precise, what isn't there. And by ignoring all of it completely, I feel like I'm being fake and setting myself up for an even more difficult process of healing afterwards, when it all comes back to me, slapping me in the face like a wet towel of grief.

Maybe it's just this whole deal affecting all the other pieces of my life, but I've been feeling very blah about blogging as well lately. I feel like doing something new. I want to write more, but I don't feel like my outfits have a lot to do with my writing. Maybe I need to separate the two, writing meaningful stuff in one place and posting my visual shit elsewhere, but then again it's probably the visuals that get people to actually visit my blog. And the visuals are the easy part, the part that comes natural. Also, I want to start writing in Dutch. English is fine and dandy and all, but I'm better in Duch. Like I said, mediocre just doesn't cut it for me, not anymore. But writing in Dutch will alienate those that can't speak it.

Then again, I don't even know if I care about that? Stats, do they really matter? It's not like I'm going to pay my bills blogging one day. Or get that phonecall from some international company asking me to be their muse. And stats and numbers really don't mean anything if you think about it. I'm glad that lots of people read my blog, but will it really matter in the long run? Does that really make me happy as a person in that way that makes your heart grow a size bigger? I don't know. I don't know shit. And that's okey. No one knows how to deal with the bigger things in life before you are thrown in head first without a safety buoy. You just have to live through it.

Maybe putting on clothes, taking pictures and posting them here is my safety buoy.

If you want to read something happier, I have some tips for you! Here are some of the cool blogs I've discovered lately. I love blogs that are a bit different, not too perfect but still great content.


And I'm really into pointed ballet flats. There, I've done my fashion blogging part. INSPIRED MUCH?


  1. Damn, this really touches me, cause it's so close to home. Waking up and doing the million things that need to be done, with a smile and fabulous lipstick on. Though not being satified with anything that's not close enough to perfection. At the same time thinking: argh, who cares anyway! That rollercoaster is so damn tiring. But keep your head up, you're a dime!

  2. Ik snap je HELEMAAL! Of dat denk ik toch :). En ik wil hier nog vanalles typen in de trend van 'ge bent niet alleen', maar ik ben te moe en te 'bleh' om dat ook daadwerkelijk te doen, maar nu weet ge het toch!

  3. I'm in the same place right now, unfortunately I've been there for years. There're just issues that will never resolve or get better... Sometimes forcing yourself to be happy isn't enough. Years and years I've been feeling like a borderline patient in a mental institution. Riding an emotional roller coaster is so tiring. For some of us life won't ever be easy. Just hang in there, girl, we'll just keep hanging on. Much love x

  4. I love you for saying all this. existensial crisis, it sucks. we've all been there, but you know 'my life is perfect'.

  5. Annebeth, I hope you're doing okay. Sounds like things are really heavy at the moment. We all know blogging's a bit silly, just do whatever you want with it. If you want to write in Dutch, I guess I'll get cozy with google translate. Get better, heal at your own rate, be with the people who love you, and if you ever want a thousands-of-miles-away chat, drop me a line. xxx

  6. I get you on that. That's pretty much part of why I rarely post at all. Write in Dutch all you want! I won't understand it, but you should be yourself.

  7. First I am sending you lots of virtual hugs! Hope you get better soon!

    Now I must assure you that I do read your blog because of what ou write, as well as inspiring in the way you dress, the way you write as the same amount of inspiration for me. And it really shows how you are irl, as when we met it felt like I already knew you.
    As what concerns writing in Dutch, just do it if that's what you want, I will keep coming, I already read other blogs via GTranslator, haha. But I also need to say that you're great at writing in English too! I've been living in London and speaking English for a year but still I think you write sooooo much better than me. That's one of the reasons I don't really write much or profound things very often in my blog, I think I suck at it, but you don't!
    Anyway, in the end, what matters is how you feel, so just do what makes you feel better!

    PS: Maybe you can take a break and come to London when you have some free time? If Camille doesn't have a sofa I'll make sure I'll have one for you when I finally move (though I don't have a new house yet).

  8. Gahh, sorry for all the typos here, but I just typed fast and didn't notice!

  9. I didn't even notice, no worries :) your idea sounds amazing and I would definitely take you up on it if it weren't for school and my boyfriend, the two things in my life that are not falling apart (yet!) :) you're the best!

  10. Ik weet wat je bedoelt, soms voelt het allemaal zo oppervlakkig :) Maar Annebeth, dat ben je niet! En zo kom je ook helemaal niet over :) dus kop op, en doen wat je leuk vindt, het is jouw blog en rekening houden met lezers vind ik bull shit :) Ik vind dat je moet bloggen voor jezelf en niet voor een mogelijk publiek en over wat dat mogelijk publiek dan wel leuk vindt. Want er is altijd wel een publiek te vinden voor wat je doet, hoe groot of hoe klein ook. En van jouw Engels kan ik alleen maar dromen!
    Heel veel sterkte en laat je niet doen :) ik hoop dat je je snel beter voelt. Liefs.

  11. So this is what it's come to: I see this sweater in a store and I think "Hey, that's Annebeth's sweater" instead of "Oh, so this is where Annebeth's bought it".

    Zoals we zelf groeien als mensen, hoe we ons uitdrukken, wat we willen, is het maar logisch dat blogs zouden meegroeien, denk ik. Ik zou geen schrik hebben om veranderingen te maken (je kan nog altijd kiezen hoe subtiel of drastisch) zonder dat als iets compleet nieuws te beschouwen. In de kern ben jij deze blog, gelijk hoe we jou te zien krijgen, of we jou te zien krijgen en in welke taal. Al begrijp ik je terughoudendheid ook heel zeker wel. Doen waar je je goed bij voelt! Just my two cents.

  12. Hmmm I'm attracted to both your writing and your outfits. I started by checking your outfits, loong agoo like really long haha and then you began writing and expressing your voice in an eloquent manner, which I like. I don't think you're mediocre at writing in English, at all. It'd suck if you wrote in Dutch buuuut I'm learning Dutch so it might actually be helpful for me. And I've been through bad times in my life where honestly blogging would be the last thing on earth I would think of doing. It doesn't feel right, at least for me, when I post an outfit and I'm feeling blah... so why don't you take a sort of break while you pull yourself together, which I'm sure you will. Life has its ups and downs, unfortunately not everything is pink and dandy like our outfits can be :( but we move on, and you are a strong-willed woman, just have to hold on to the people and things you love :)

    With respect to your blog, I like the idea of separating posts (writing and outfits). I write and post outfits normally in separate posts and it is obvious (by the stats) that I get more views because of my outfits buuut lately I've been discussing some sort of 'taboo' topics of fashion bloggers and surprinsingly many more people are reading my blog. Not that I mind that much cause I certainly don't blog for stats, it's more of a personal thing but I can't deny that what it started as a really personal blog has evolved to a more public 'me' and through it I've met some real fantastic and supportive people, so it's really nice to see that outcome. But when I write about books only those interested (not the majority) read it, but stats won't stop me from writing cause that's what I like and I looove books. I have considered writing in English since I'm pretty fluent but because I'm living in Belgium I feel the 'need' to speak in my native language (Spanish) and my blog is my way of feeling at home.

    Hope you start to feel better! and If you decide to write in Dutch, I'll keep on reading you (with my dictionary haha).


  13. Het is enorm herkenbaar wat je schrijft. Ik hoop echt dat je eruit geraakt, maar zo'n periode moet je gewoon doorgaan, het kunnen best cruciale punten zijn in je leven. Ik kan je nood aan iets nieuws best ook begrijpen. Mochtje ooit over andere dingen gaan schrijven denk ik zeker dat je daar ook succevol in gaat zijn, want je schrijft heel vlot, er is een connectie met je bezoekers en je hebt ook nog eens wit.

  14. I really enjoy your writing, and mainly visit because of that, the outfits are cool and express another part of your personality but it's your opinions, ideas & thoughts that I find the most interesting. I'll be super bummed if you wrote in Dutch, but then I can't stand it when english speakers go to a non English speaking country and expect people to speak English! So I totally understand. I hope you are ok

  15. I feel like something is going on with blogging these days... maybe there are just too many personal style blogs? I love reading and seeing you here but I feel like in general, the niche is getting saturated and it's getting harder and harder to blog in a unique way...

    I hope everything will go better for you soon and that we both find a way to blog that suits our tastes and represents our personalities :)

    Virginie xo

  16. I'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. I really enjoy reading your blog, and I hate to see that you're losing interest in it, but it's completely understandable. And I enjoy reading your opinions just as much as looking at your outfit pictures. You're knowledgable and stylish, and that's a great combination. I hope that things get better for you soon and that you continue to do whatever makes you happy.

  17. I've also been going through a tough time, but can't write about it on my blog... I know the going through the motions thing, sometimes I feel like I just get up go to work bla bla on repeat for days and days.
    I love your pics and I love your writing on your blog- when you talk about "deeper" subjects and more light hearted ones. I'd be sad if you wrote in Dutch but I would understand..
    Anyway hugs for now ::) xx

  18. I definitely understand that feeling, it feels really ridiculous almost to focus on this kind of thing when there's personal shit going on. Personal stuff IS draining, and makes it hard to think of anything else. When I was going through surgeries I never wanted to get up and get dressed, I think the only reason I did was because of the ol' blog, I'm glad I did but my heart for sure wasn't in it.
    You're amazing, that's all I can say!

  19. I say you write in whatever language you want and about whatever you want. That's what blogs are for. I read a lot of blogs in other languages like French, Polish, Russian, etc. It doesn't make me stop reading them. I just translate it or look at the pictures. I feel like your blog should be about you and if you want to write more, than do it! I hope things turn around and I'll still be here reading or "reading" no matter what you do!

  20. *hug* Well if you do decide to start writing in Dutch, I would be a sad ducky, wondering what awesomeness you have concocted that my bilingual-but-not-in-Dutch brain cannot comprehend. But it'd be alright knowing you were still putting out your awesomeness and rockin' it your way, even if I couldn't read it :P I do think your English is fantastic though, that's for certain.

  21. I've been reading your blog for a few months now but must have missed this post when it first went up. I hope you're feeling a little better and that things are on the up. For what it's worth, it's the content as much as your great style that keeps me coming back :) You write beautifully in English so I can only imagine how great your Dutch writing is :) I think you're right about stats and all that not mattering - you'll stop writing in any language eventually if you're not enjoying it. So I say take this blog in whatever direction feels comfortable and I'm sure the bulk of is will follow happily along after you :)

  22. Oh Annebeth. I hope everything will be less messy for you soon.
    Please know that your regular readers visit again and again because of your words, not your pictures. I love your style and your images, or course, but seeing you've posted brings a smile to my face because of what you write. You're intelligent and funny, and such an inspiration. My favourite posts are always your more thoughtful ones. You've shown me that feminism and fashion blogging can absolutely exist side-by-side.
    I hope you hit your blogging mojo again. Perhaps a break would help you? Your energy is clearly elsewhere right now and maybe you need some time for you. Whatever you decide, I hope it makes you happy.
    Sending you so much love!