Green Boots, Sad Day

sweater: Primark - scarf: gift - denim: Lee - boots: H&M - backpack: River Island

Old pics from a rainy schoolday. Just two weeks ago I was still wearing sweaters, boots, winter coats and scarfs, and today I cruised around in a dress and bare legs. I would be able to enjoy the sun more if this effing cold would subside from my body. Blowing your nose when you have a headache is very tiresome. 

Yeah I know, reading this blabber is tiresome as well. I'm sort of functioning on auto pilot right now. My dad had a relapse recently and we are all trying to cope with this in our own ways, mine being focusing on uni and getting on with life in general. Of course, this doesn't work. My mind wanders off constantly, halfway between a vague sense of undefined guilt and the realization that my childhood is steadily cruising towards its final station. Lost chances. Preemptive mourning.

Also, the older I get and the more I get to know myself, the more I am aware of the ways my past and my parents shaped me to be the person I am today, flaws and all. My parents weren't perfect, but no one is. Humanity is thorougly flawed. I know they tried, lived, loved, failed and succeeded at separate occasions, just like any parent. Exactly why I'm not really planning on having kids myself. I'm too much of a perfectionist.

This famous poem says it all:

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.


  1. Oh ik wens je veel sterkte toe annebeth!

  2. I am so sorry to hear that about your Dad, Annebeth. My love goes to you and your family.

    Charlotte x

  3. ooooh amazing shoes! :)

  4. Sorry about your dad's relapse Annebeth... I hope he'll be on the road to recovery once more soon. Life's too short for preemptive mourning though... we've all just got to live and love while we can. xx

  5. Wat moeilijk moet het zijn voor je! Heel erg veel sterkte!

  6. Oh, dear. I'm so sorry. I have a complicated, tenuous relationship with my own father and I know that I think often of this poem when I'm trying to balance my feelings. I hope you're finding some peace.

  7. I hope your dad feels better soon! Stay strong! On a happier note, those boots are pretty amazing!

    x Aliya

  8. Oh, Annebeth, I'm so sorry to hear that your dad is relapsing! You and your family are in my heart and prayers.

  9. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, Annebeth. I'll keep my fingers crossed for him, and for you.

  10. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope you feel better soon too!

  11. Ugh I'm sorry Annabeth *hug* My own father is a very ill man and every few years he's back in the hospital and we're left waiting and hoping, so I definitely know the feeling.

  12. oh dear, had het nog niet gelezen. sterkte meid!

  13. major hugs back to you as well. my dad has always been in and out of sickness, uberhigh blood pressure and migraines, the works. It sort of prepares you for times like these though...

  14. So sorry to hear about your dad, sending my best thoughts your way. Will you be able to visit him at all? As I get older I def have come to appreciate my parents so much, and accept their flaws as any human has them. That line "get out as early as you can" - haha pretty good poem although I'd just say eh, it's the cycle & I'm totally planning on having kids to brainwash them on my environmentalist ways ; )

  15. I always love Docs!
    I'm sorry about your dad. Sending positive energy. I know about the parent love/hate thing, I'be had a lot of it, first thinking that they're really bad but knowing they did their best & I'm luckier than most.
    I understand your sentiment about being perfectionist & if you ever reconsider I sincerely think you would be an awesome mom.

  16. Most of the time this is probably the case, but my parents really pretty much suck. Not that I want to elaborate on it, but that's just how I have grown to feel. I used to be more accepting of them, but the older I get, the more I see the disfunction.