Rape Society

Ok, so this look isn't 100% me, but I love it anyway. It feels like something Paulien would wear, and I love that chick's style so all is good! I might go for something like this in the summertime to class or something, I always turn to either 70's or 90's dressing on lazy, hot days. This one's more 90's obviously. 


Also, I'm watching some random crime show right now. Guess what the plot is about: yep sinful women getting punished for dressing like "sluts" or for getting pregnant. I am getting SO sick and tired of this shit. Yeah, sure, the murderer is portrayed as a psycho freak, but that doesn't change the fact that these kind of shows are part of a longstanding tradition of society finding rape, murder and humiliation of women "entertaining". There is so much wrong with that crap I don't even know how to start addressing these facts, so I'm redirecting you to an amazing blog that does a great job of explaining rape culture. Check it out here. I hope you take some time to read up on it, clicking through to all the examples she gives etcetera etcetera. Being more aware of this has changed so much for me, and it'd be fantastic if I could make you guys think twice when laughing at slut jokes or being entertained by the umphteenth tvshow/movie about a young, beautiful girl being raped/tortured/murdered by some creep in the street. And be sure to share your thoughts with me! I know my readers are smart enough to comprehend the gravity of this issue. 

Sorry my post today isn't exactly funny or lighthearted, but life isn't always fun and games, right? I hope I will see more awareness and some change during my lifetime.

jacket: H&M
dress: Zara
converse: converse ;-)
bag: River Island



Edit: if anything, read this. 
When I read this quote:
One time, I took an informal survey amongst the women I knew. And every single last one of them had been sexually interfered with before the age of consent. Some far, far worse than others. And there are degrees, I suppose. Some were abused by their fathers, or uncles or brothers or cousins. And their mothers told them to shut up. Some got pregnant. Some became infertile. All were traumatized.


I thought this must have been an exaggeration. Until I read on to see this:

in incidents ranging from exposure (flashing) to penetrative rape.

 

Society seems to feel the irresistible urge to put sexual assault into neat little boxes. Date rape isn't rape. Being pressured into sexual acts isn't rape. Having to tolerate sexual remarks isn't rape. None of that is really that bad! /end sarcasm. This post really opened my eyes and got me thinking about my own history and that of some people I know.

When I was 16, I was pressured into kissing and touching by an older guy because I felt guilty about "leading him on". I never blamed myself for being pressured as I wasn't traumatized or anything, I just shrugged it off. But it did take quite some time before I mustered up the strength to be angry at that asshole for doing that to me. The few people who knew about it basically felt sorry for him because I dumped his pervert ass after it happened. Heartbroken, yeah right. I was sexually assaulted by him, and I am glad that through time I have come to realize that it WAS in fact serious and not just something I should "get over". I feel like a lot of women have unresolved issues because they have a hard time pinpointing or naming what happened to them. I'm here to tell you that NOTHING is too minor to be called sexual abuse. If it feels wrong, if it makes your stomach turn, if you keep going on and on about it inside your head: it IS wrong. It is to this day the only thing in my life that I regret. It reminds me of how childish I was. The fact that I still feel like it was a mistake I made, means I still feel partly responsible. I hope someday I won't.


When I was 17, I was walking the dog one day. We lived in a pretty deserted area with only a few houses. I was approached by a creepy guy on a bicycle who started making sexual remarks. He kept cycling by our house when I got home. When my parents notified the police, they told them they knew the guy from other, similar complaints, but that he wouldn't do anyone any harm. Yeah, police is there to protect ya.

When I was 18, I was riding a train. I was alone in a compartment, except for one other guy. He started rubbing his crotch while looking at me lustfully. I tried to ignore him at first, but when we actually made eye contact and he didn't seem fased AT ALL by me noticing what he was doing, I was SO pissed off I actually just told the guy he should be fucking ashamed of himself for being a pervert. He was startled, but started doing it again after a few minutes. When I noticed this, I told him I was going to get the trainconductor if he didn't stop his bullshit right now. He apologized and left the train at the next stop.

I'm not even starting about my experiences with creepy sexual behavior online, or the dudes grinding slash dancing on me the few times I went to a party when I was a teen, or the countless times some classmate grabbed my ass/stroked my leg/made sexually demeaning remarks between the age of 10 and 14.

My sister was still a very young teen at about 12 years old when some old dude threw her a sexual remark on the street.


Point I'm trying to make is that sexual abuse is everywhere. Looking it in its perverted eyes is enormously empowering, and if everyone would be OPEN about disapproving even the slightest form of sexual abuse (f.e. grabbing someone's ass at a party), our daughters might not be confronted with it. I hereby pledge I will ALWAYS choose the side of the victim of even "subtle" sexual abuse. Abuse is abuse, just like you can't just murder someone "a little".


Feel free to share opinions or experiences. Sorry this post is a total incohesive rant.

I was partly inspired by Angie's post on her experience with sexual abuse too, check it out here.

80 comments

  1. Oh! Past u echt wel hoor! Super outfit en ja Paulien zou dat echt wel dragen :D

    xxxo

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  2. It may not be a 100% "you" outfit, but you look amazing! I'd wear this right now ;) In fact I look forward to go to Portugal in a week so I can steal my sister's converse shoes hehe :)

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  3. Hahaha, GIMME THAT OUTFIT! Goed geraden: ik ben er helemaal weg van!
    Maar ik moet zeggen dat jij er heel goed mee staat! En je weet dat ik je casual staartje zo mooi vind hé :)

    Serious saturday indeed. Als ik tijd heb, ga ik die blog echt eens lezen. Maar dat ga ik nog even uitstellen want het zag er een héle brok tekst uit! :)

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  4. LOVE IT helemaal :D heel fris! Ik ga die blog eens bekijken! Interessant.
    xx M.

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  5. Mmm, while rape culture is a huge problem in our world, i will humbly and respectfully say that I think there are much more severe issues in the entertainment industry that contribute to it's existence than CSI crime shows. At least in these programs (or at least the ones I've seen, anyway), the bottom line is that rape is bad. Crime shows are a lot less threatening to rape culture than a lot of pop music is, in my opinion. Rihanna's songs, for example. S&M?! The one with Eminem?! This shit plays on the radio where anyone can hear it. Of course she isn't singing "rape me, I want to be raped baby!" directly, but they don't exactly send a positive message about how to treat women. This bothers me more than I can express.

    Anyway, I really like your outfit. Of wear that jacket every day if it were mine.

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  6. S&M is just quite classless if you ask me, especially after the whole Chris Brown affaire, but S&M an sich isn't a rape society problem if you ask me. As long as people CHOOSE to play a sexual game of submission and domination, it has nothing to do with rape. No one is being forced to do anything against their will. If anything, it mostly disturbs me that with her history and her knowledge, she doesn't seem to send out a good message to the people who might be confronted with the same issues by sexualizing it. However, this probably doesn't disturb me quite as much because the lyrics are in english, which makes them more like "lalala" for people whose mothertongue isn't english instead of a real "message", unless they really stop to analyze the lyrics. A tvseries however is way more in your face because you really try to follow the narrative. Also, Rihanna's love the way you lie and S&M seem to be more about a personal story/personal preference than a society wide issue. The problem with crimeshows isn't necessarily the way the issues are being handled, but the fact that people keep being entertained by violence inflicted on women. This disturbs me, especially if I hear people who are watching tv with me jest in a way like "yeah, well, she shouldn't have gone out dressed like that anyway". Uhm, maybe the RAPIST shouldn't RAPE HER. How the fuck is the victim to blame?

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  7. Oooh I love it!! Sometimes its good to wear things that aren't your style :D :D
    And I totally agree, I HATE those types of shows and when people talk about things like that in a funny way...its not funny and shouldn't be treated like its common
    http://www.closet-fashionista.com/

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  8. pretty casual look
    nice dress with the denim jacket

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  9. you look great! i want to invest in a jean jacket like yours!

    i just came across your blog. i think its great. i hope you will come visit mine and maybe we can follow eachother!

    www.wotsworthwhile.blogspot.com

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  10. you look so chic and chill! i love your outfit :)

    http://sarassweetstyle.blogspot.com/

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  11. Shows about rape being entertaining? Waaah? Anytime I see rape on a show it's portrayed as horrific, a crime against women, and surely not 'glorified'. Weird.

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  12. ...but then again I don't really watch CSI for forensic type shows. Maybe don't watch them.

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  13. Stephanie: the rape itself isn't shown as entertaining, but why the hell do we watch the show as entertainment then, with glossy, tantalizing flashbacks?

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  14. over here there is a big sort of footy rape mentality and a lot of girls have been assaulted by football players over the years yet people always seem to say 'she probably deserved it cos she was all over him' or 'she was dressed for it' etc. so wrong. since when does that signify you can force yourself onto someone. kinda not really what you were referring to i know but it came to mind as well. anyway. you look cool as a cucumber lovely.

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  15. Yep. And that's why I can't watch television any more. Because it makes my brain hurt so much.

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  16. Annebeth, I so agree with you!!! Living on a college campus really opened my eyes to sexual abuse and how rampant it is. And it's not just women. One in four reported rape cases are actually male on male, which, in some states (in the US at least) isn't even called "rape" by the courts... it's called "sexual battery with a foreign object." It took me a long time to realize that a lot of my experiences from when I was younger - being 12 and paying for something at the grocery store and an older man touching my hair, just one example - were sexual abuse. Mainly because I think society tries to train women that those kind of incidents aren't "threatening" but just someone hitting on you. Gross.

    Same thing with the internet. Girls post naked photos of themselves on Tumblr to get compliments and they don't realize that they should be incredibly skeeved out by the responses they receive from people who are way too old for them and not the safest people on the planet! Gahhh! I get so mad.

    Anyway. You look cute. This was a great post. You have a knack for saying just the right thing at the right time.

    XO Michelle
    http://lockedoutfashion.blogspot.com

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  17. This is a really good post. There was a huge scandal where I live because a police said would wouldn't be raped as much if they didn't dress like sluts. We had a huge protest and everything. I love reading what you had to say on the issue and I agree with you.

    Cute outfit btw. SUch an awesome jaket.

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  18. What a powerful post. Thank you for addressing this is and especially for being so open about your own experiences. I'm sure that some women can learn from your experiences and I'm sure there are many others, like myself, who cam find solidarity in them. It's always comforting to know we're not alone, even if my experience, like yours, fortunately wasn't seriously traumatizing. I couldn't agree with you more, every time we don't take a stand against even the smallest sexual abuses, we are allowing it to continue. It can certainly be difficult to take a stand sometimes, but the best way to start is by spreading awareness. way to go girl & thanks for sharing!

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  19. Allereerst, heel leuke outfit! Dat kleedje.. hebben hebben hebben! Inderdaad, het is een perfecte Paulien outfit :).

    Ikzelf kijk graag naar van die 'crime' series, tot dat het over zulke dingen gaat. Ik weet niet waarom maar ik ben erg gevoelig voor zo'n zaken. Ik kan alles aan van actiefilms of series, maar vanaf het over verkrachting gaat kan ik echt niet meer kijken. Geen idee waarom het zo'n effect op mij heeft.

    Een paar weken geleden wilde ik alleen naar huis fietsen van een feestje, maar een vriendin van mij wilde mij niet laten vertrekken 'want er kan altijd iets gebeuren'. Ik vertrok toch, want naar mijn mening mag je je leven niet laten leiden door angst, maar toen werd mijn vriendin echt kwaad en zei dat ik mijn mama moest bellen om mij te komen halen. Dus ik zei dat ik dat zou doen, maar ik heb het toch niet gedaan. Nu is er niets met mij gebeurt, maar toen heeft mijn vriendin lichtjes toegegeven dat er iets met haar is gebeurd ooit. Ze wil er verder niets over kwijt dus ik praat er niet over, maar ik kan het maar niet uit mijn hoofd zetten. Ik was er nog nooit mee geconfronteerd dat zelfs mensen uit mijn directe omgeving zoiets hebben/kunnen meegemaakt/meemaken. Het is inderdaad overal, maar hier in mijn dorp gaan ze er echt niet licht over. Niemand van mijn vrienden laat mij alleen naar huis gaan, meestal fietsen ze mee. Maar omdat ik te koppig ben ga ik toch alleen :). Mijn ouders willen ook altijd dat ik bel om mij te komen halen, anders zijn ze veel te ongerust.

    Sorry voor de veel te lange comment.

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  20. Thanks for writing this wonderful and inspiring post.

    A few days ago, I was having dinner with friends, when we started to talk about the sexual jokes we are faced with every day. I said that those are offensive to me, and a way to keep stigmatizing women as brainless toys. One of my friends looked at me and said that she never thought of it in this way.

    I too hope that the next generations of young girls won't have their on personal borders continuously violated while growing up.

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  21. Amaai Annebeth lookin' gooood! Maybe you should write your thesis about this subject next year!?

    Yeah I totally understand what you are saying. Women will always be regarded as sexual objects and I think this is the reason why the entertainmentindustry and tv shows come up with stories that invole rape, sexual harassement. Because they know that television ratings will increase.

    On the one hand I think it's necessary to talk about these subjects, women have to be aware of the fact that there are perverts in the world. By making a storyline about this they want to warn us to be careful.

    One the other hand it shows again that men still dominate this society and the fact that women are subjected to men! It always have to be somethin' about sex, rapes and boobs. DISGUSTING!!!!

    A month ago I went to a meeting of a magazine and a guy said that he wanted to see more articles about sex and nude women. The fucking perve! Everybody was laughing including other women, except me. The fact that these women found it hilarious is a big problem because it shows that they find these remarks quite normal!

    BTW I forgot to see the last episode of Code 37! Who was the murderer?

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  22. Het staat je anders wel héél goed!
    En die lage Converse zijn super!

    x Krizia

    www.krizia-shark-attack.blogspot.com

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  23. Christin: the problem with focusing on the things the victim does wrong which leads to her endangering herself, we are placing the blame on the victim instead of on the assaulter. There aren't nearly as much shows or stories about people who get murdered being blamed for putting themselves in harm's way, no, it's just people (mostly children, their mothers and women) who get abducted or raped that are blamed for choosing to be in an endangering situations. Society should focus on how to teach our sons not to be pervert assholes, how to respect women, how to not be rapists. Rape isn't about going out in sexy clothing, rape is about encountering a douchebag who is high on his own masculinity, just waiting for a chance to take advantage of someone. Besides, the most cases of rape are about a rapist being a friend/family member/former boyfriend/partner, not about some creep jumping out of the bushes when you're on your way home. The private side of rape gets way too little attention if you look at the actual relative numbers, and by focusing on freak rape, society teaches us that rape is something that happens to other people, instead of exposing the fact that rape is EVERYWHERE and that almost every man sometimes crosses a line. It's not the freak cases that should earn the most attention, it's the everyday cases that should be exposed and confronted.

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  25. Het is gewoon vreselijk ziek dat het als normaal wordt beschouwt om zo nu en dan eens op je kont gemept te worden als vrouw, als het al niks ergers is. De keren dat je wordt nageroepen, dat er kusgeluidjes achter je rug worden gemaakt, de keren dat venten naar je lichaamsdelen zitten te staren die naar hun zin zijn zijn niet meer op twee handen te tellen.

    NIEMAND spreekt mannen hier op aan. Op school niet, thuis niet. Het wordt over het algemeen gewoon beschouwd als "het gedrag van een gezonde man". Ik heb gelukkig nog niet zoiets als jij meegemaakt maar ik kan me nog zeer vividly herinneren dat toen ik net 11 was en begon te "developen", dat mannen ineens heel anders naar je beginnen kijken. Je moet geen genius zijn om te merken hoeveel seksueler je ineens wordt bekeken.

    Ik denk dat je je nog wel kunt herinneren dat ik ooit eens thuiskwam met mam van de markt en dat ik zo geschrokken was van een oude vent die naar me bleef staren en de hele tijd rond me heen bleef lopen. Er moet wel iets mis met je zijn als man, met je gevoel voor moraal en je geweten, dat je meisjes/vrouwen gaat lastigvallen op zo'n manier.

    Toen ik rond m'n 14de met de bus van en naar Gent ging, kwam er 1 keer een groepje jongens rond me staan. De hele rit, een uur lang dus, hebben ze rond mij gestaan, de hele tijd naar me staan zwaaien, lachen, wijzen, staren... Ik had muziek op en ze spraken een taal ik niet kende dus ik verstond niks van wat ze zeiden maar ik kan wel wat raden. Gelukkig hebben ze me niet aangeraakt maar ik voelde me zo ontzettend kut. En ik was niet eens de enige die op de bus zat maar niemand deed ook maar een beetje de moeite om me misschien te helpen.

    Mannen/jongens halen er vaak plezier uit om zich dominant op te stellen tegenover vrouwen en ze te vernederen. Het lulligste van alles is dan nog dat een heleboel vrouwen ZELF denken dat het allemaal niet zo erg is en dat als een vrouw zich niet "netjes" kleedt, ze er vast wel om heeft gevraagd. Het is nu ook weer hip voor jongens om over vrouwen te zeggen dat ze maar voor twee dingen goed zijn: cooking and fucking. Op elke humorsite waar voor het overgrote deel jongens op zitten (van ongeveer 13 tot 25 ofzo) is het prima normaal om over vrouwen te praten alsof ze gemaakt zijn om de man te dienen. Als iemand er iets over zegt is het meteen "och ga uw benen scheren, mietje" of "go to the kitchen, bitch". Nee dus, je mag humor NIET gebruiken om dat soort dingen te normaliseren en dat is precies wat er gebeurt. Fucking disgusting.

    Tweede foto is supercute, trouwens. Very Misty :-D

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  26. Supermooie outfit, is idd niet iets dat ik meteen bij jouw stijl zou plaatsen, maar het staat je wel awesome.

    Ik ga straks de link in je post doorlezen, vind het heel fijn dat je niet enkel aandacht besteed aan gewoon kledij maar ook grotere -en vele belangrijkere- topics. Go Annebeth!

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  27. Ok, first about the outfit, I wanted to pick up this jeans jacket for such a long time :) and going to do so for sure! It looks great on you, btw!

    Second issue... Coming from a country where getting raped is like getting a look on the streets. It's truly horrible, many underaged girls, women and even children suffer from it. And it's still being tolerated. Living here is so much more safe, but still. Believe me, from what I've seen and experienced, throwing a remark is nothing compared to it. But NOTHING should be tolerated.
    This issue must be talked about at schools and just be a taboo and not taken lightly at all!

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  28. you are not only showing us fashion, you show us power too! i love it! and maybe this is not you, i love the dress because, yes, it fits you perfectly and the adorable print. the little flowers and the black are amazing together. i love it. especially with the jeans jacket. casual, but stylish as always girl

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  29. vind deze combi van spijker met jurkje en all stars zo leuk!

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  30. Firstly - love the outfit, i love the dress with the denim jacket, and the converse are the perfect way to finish it off!

    Secondly - you are always so inspiring, Annebeth! I never really thought about it before (being one of those people to just shrug it off) but sexual abuse really IS everywhere. I get so many remarks - just on Friday me and Nicole were at a gig, and these 2 creeps kept staring at us, and they didn't even bother to do it on the sly. It was SO obvious. They were a lot older than us and it was so creepy. It makes you wonder if they are going to follow you home or something...

    Now, thinking about it, we probably should have told someone. But I think that us females worry that we are just going to get laughed at for being "up tight" or something like that, you know? Like overreacting. I guess this is what needs to be changed!

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  31. Wow, ik vind het echt heel goed dat je dit adresseert op je blog. Ik heb het 'rape culture' stuk gelezen, en ik word zo BOOS van al die gebeurtenissen zoals het slachtoffer de schuld geven etc. En het is te gek voor woorden dat idd elke vrouw weleens zoiets heeft meegemaakt. Tot nu toe was ik ook zo iemand die dacht, 'ach ik was dronken' of 'oh maar dat hoort erbij'. Maar het is niet oke! You rock!

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  32. I love 90s looks, though they're not really "me" either.

    As for the rest, I completely agree with you. I detest series that go through all the gory details of rape/violence against women, and I absolutely think they glorify it to a degree.

    I can't really think of too many instances when I was younger, but I do know that they year I spent in Mexico (as an adult) absolutely reinforced what life is like in a culture where women are more explicitly degraded. I had lots of nasty exchanges with men you did everything from make sucking noises in the direction of my little sister (or me) to try to kiss me after I said I was married...I seriously considered getting a ring to give myself a bit of a break. I think we've come a long way in many countries, and we don't have to put up with anything near that level of abuse most of the time, but there still definitely is this attitude that lots of reprehensible behaviour is tolerated from me.

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  33. Being a woman in a predominately female work environment lends itself more to unwelcomed sexual remarks. I had quite a few thrown at me on Friday and it's embarrassing and we just have to ignore it and let it happen. I work at a bank too!! Which is considered to be a conservative place. I've also experience men thinking its okay to rub their crotch on me at clubs when I am turned away from them. Again, girls are expected to just shrug it off and walk away, but damn it, if I didn't want to twist his d**k and break it. I felt totally violated.

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  34. Je jasje en zak vind ik echt leuk! En leuk zo all-stars op een kleedje :) lovely! xx

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  35. I've taken a few ciminology courses and we have definitely adressed the rape culture, and mean world view along with the "csi effect" it all contributes to the same thing. I worked at a hardware store for 3 years and one of the men working there was a convicted convict and would ALWAYS make lewd comments to me regarding my butt and called me "yumyum" I felt afraid to say anything and that made for such a hostile work environment. When I did complain my boss shrugged it off because she needed the worker. So ridiculous

    btw. I love this outfit! Haha, after such serious comments seems a little ridiculous huh? Florals + denim are soo good together
    xJennaD

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  36. gorgeous outfit!

    To be honest, I think we live in an over-sexualised culture, everyone is desensitized to pornographic images and darker desires can be satisfied via the internet, which seems to make certain characters feel it acceptable to cross other boundaries that they shouldn't cross. The trafficking of sex slaves, particularly in Thailand where children are pimped out, is horrific and unfortunately, people have the mentality that the problem can't be solved. I hate how sleazy our world is.

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  37. So, I've been following your blog for a while. (I don't really do the "click and follow" thing. I just bookmarked your site.) And I would agree that while the outfit is cute, it's not really something would would have guessed that you would wear. The bag is adorable. (I have a canvas bag similar to that, only mine reads CANVAS: Because plastic is so last year. I love it. :D)

    Onto a heavier subject: well, I kind of agree with Pierrot le Fou who commented above me. Everything everywhere is about sex. Someone once told me that because sex is necessary for the survival of species and it produces a sense of pleasure, using sex like we do would be equivalent to a different planet using food in the same way. I mean, if we visited that planet and saw food everywhere as a means of producing pleasure in the eyes of the population, we'd be completely weirded out.

    On a side note, my rant doesn't have too much to do with the actual topic. I'm good like that.

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  38. Thank you so much for posting this, Annebeth. You are so right, parents NEED to teach their children to RESPECT each other. If a girl says no, it means no. If she is resisting, then that means that you should STOP instead of forcing her. Society does put so much of the blame on women..."you shouldn't have been a tease" or "you gave him blue balls, what did you expect?" Blue balls my ass. Men need to stop thinking that "we really want it but are just acting hard to get", that is the stupidest thing ever. Grrr, sorry, I'm just venting now!!

    Lidi @ Eclectic Flair

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  39. I love your outfit, you look great. Its very sad that people get entertainment out of sexual perversions such as seeing a woman beat or raped... I am glad that I live in a country where women have a lot of rights, but on the other hand we are still objectified and treated like play things rather than equals... its so sad.

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  40. Strong Post Annebeth. Nothing left to say.
    Good outfit too of course.

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  41. Thank you for posting this!!! As a psychology student, I'm really interested in how women view sex and how that influences their idea of self/identity. I'm really hoping to do some research on the slut/stud mentality this coming fall! I've had some very similar experiences to the ones you've described - 'Hey, wanna go some where and you can suck my dick?' Dude, you've got to be kidding me! I even got hit on at work the other day, where I do crisis counseling for FEMA. Definitely not the fucking place I thought I would have to worry about being objectified.

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  42. OWKIJ!!! Echt su.per! And look at your legs? Endless! x

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  43. ha vandaar dat ik zoveel mensen heb die mijn post komen lezen ;)

    I totally agree with everything you said, I am not really traumatized by the events that happened to me... because I was this young and I was going on adrenalin that day. But if I think about what could have... I know that I was EXTREMELY lucky.

    Events as you described have happened to me too... slaps on the "ass" strokes on the leg, back, etc... everyone responds to it as being normal... but it is not. Everybody touching you in any way that you don't like is a form of assault (I am writing about someone "touching" me tonight actually, I wrote it last week... wrote them all in advance, it doesn't matter where, if you don't want it: HE SHOULDN'T do that.).

    I am linking this post through mine as well!!

    xxx

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  44. I'm not really traumatized by the things that happened to me although I got really scared this one day when a little van stopped by to talk to me and my sister while we were walking the dog. I had a strange feeling about it and I was scared. I also hate it when random people start telling you how good you look, especially weird guys or older men. I also have had people touching my leg when I didn't wanted it.
    My sister once has been intimidated by three men during her internship in a hospital. She had to do a medical exam but they were on drugs so she was really scared because they were unzipping their pants and stuff. I'm also afraid when I hear people talking about rapes on campusses and stuff like that.

    The fact that I'm often scared to walk home by myself in the dark has more to do with the fact that one of the girls in my street was kidnapped at the seaside, raped and murdered(in this very well known case in Belgium). Although I was very young (8 years old) when this happened I always keep it in mind when I walk alone in a street. This is something that I will never forget and I may say that it traumatized me a little bit because I often get suspicious when I am walking by myself.
    It really gives me the feeling that it can happen to anyone even when you're walking with two girls.

    I was actually doubting about typing this but I really think it is important that girls keep in mind that it could happen to anyone in your environment.

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  45. Thank-you for this post. I myself am at the angry stage, but not yet courageous enough to share my experiences. Hugs and much sisterly love.

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  46. *Applauds*
    'Rape culture' doesn't just mean the typical idea of enforced sex. Thank God someone else is saying this.
    We've all been abused in some way. I can't go into night-clubs without being groped or having some sort of lewd comment made. Once someone tried to unzip the back of my dress.
    I'm bar-staff and the amount of filth customers dole out is unbelievable.
    At the pub I used to work in, one of the regulars took a shine to me. It started out harmless enough, we were encouraged to chat with regulars, and he'd ask me about myself and seemed normal enough. Gradually it got uncomfortable though and he made comments...never sexual, but implications about interest in me. I never really knew how to deal with it and tried to laugh it off. It got worse and worse, and culminated with him attempting to kiss me on my last day, and trying to make me promise I'd 'stay in touch'. What made me so angry was that the pub did nothing to prevent a man at least 20 years my senior from harassing me like that.

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  47. I agree totally, many people classify sexual abuse as just one thing when really it encompasses a whole number of sins. I work at The Let Go...Let Peace Come In Foundation which is a nonprofit with a mission to help heal and support adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse worldwide. We are seeking adult survivors who would be willing to post a childhood photo and caption, their story, or their creative expressions to our website letgoletpeacecomein.org. By uniting survivors from across the globe we can help provide a stronger and more powerful voice to those survivors who have not yet found the courage to speak out. Please consider sharing your story

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  48. very cute look! the floral dress is darling, and i love that you've dressed it down with the denim jacket and tennis shoes. great casual outfit <3shelby

    www.makemesparkly.blogspot.com

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  49. You are such a strong girl and I look up to you for it! I've never had that sort of wacko experience because a lot of guys are simply frightened of my seriousness and you'd-better-leave-me-alone attitude. I don't let any man treat me like crap because if I go along with him, that's just showing how weak I am. And women should never be weak like that!

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  50. I agree with you Annebeth you are totally right. And if we look in most major world cultures they just blame women for things that are not their fault. And in the USA where I'm from there is such a double standard. Society can be on the side of the victim while still saying "are you sure you didn't do something to encourage this?" it's crazy and sad. But thanks for this post and sharing with us and also raising awareness. I love the outfit btw I like the jacket especially!

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  51. I agree with you Annebeth you are totally right. And if we look in most major world cultures they just blame women for things that are not their fault. And in the USA where I'm from there is such a double standard. Society can be on the side of the victim while still saying "are you sure you didn't do something to encourage this?" it's crazy and sad. But thanks for this post and sharing with us and also raising awareness. I love the outfit btw I like the jacket especially!

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  52. I've taken a few ciminology courses and we have definitely adressed the rape culture, and mean world view along with the "csi effect" it all contributes to the same thing. I worked at a hardware store for 3 years and one of the men working there was a convicted convict and would ALWAYS make lewd comments to me regarding my butt and called me "yumyum" I felt afraid to say anything and that made for such a hostile work environment. When I did complain my boss shrugged it off because she needed the worker. So ridiculous

    btw. I love this outfit! Haha, after such serious comments seems a little ridiculous huh? Florals + denim are soo good together
    xJennaD

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  53. Being a woman in a predominately female work environment lends itself more to unwelcomed sexual remarks. I had quite a few thrown at me on Friday and it's embarrassing and we just have to ignore it and let it happen. I work at a bank too!! Which is considered to be a conservative place. I've also experience men thinking its okay to rub their crotch on me at clubs when I am turned away from them. Again, girls are expected to just shrug it off and walk away, but damn it, if I didn't want to twist his d**k and break it. I felt totally violated.

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  54. I love 90s looks, though they're not really "me" either.

    As for the rest, I completely agree with you. I detest series that go through all the gory details of rape/violence against women, and I absolutely think they glorify it to a degree.

    I can't really think of too many instances when I was younger, but I do know that they year I spent in Mexico (as an adult) absolutely reinforced what life is like in a culture where women are more explicitly degraded. I had lots of nasty exchanges with men you did everything from make sucking noises in the direction of my little sister (or me) to try to kiss me after I said I was married...I seriously considered getting a ring to give myself a bit of a break. I think we've come a long way in many countries, and we don't have to put up with anything near that level of abuse most of the time, but there still definitely is this attitude that lots of reprehensible behaviour is tolerated from me.

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  55. I love your outfit, you look great. Its very sad that people get entertainment out of sexual perversions such as seeing a woman beat or raped... I am glad that I live in a country where women have a lot of rights, but on the other hand we are still objectified and treated like play things rather than equals... its so sad.

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  56. Thank you so much for posting this, Annebeth. You are so right, parents NEED to teach their children to RESPECT each other. If a girl says no, it means no. If she is resisting, then that means that you should STOP instead of forcing her. Society does put so much of the blame on women..."you shouldn't have been a tease" or "you gave him blue balls, what did you expect?" Blue balls my ass. Men need to stop thinking that "we really want it but are just acting hard to get", that is the stupidest thing ever. Grrr, sorry, I'm just venting now!!

    Lidi @ Eclectic Flair

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  57. So, I've been following your blog for a while. (I don't really do the "click and follow" thing. I just bookmarked your site.) And I would agree that while the outfit is cute, it's not really something would would have guessed that you would wear. The bag is adorable. (I have a canvas bag similar to that, only mine reads CANVAS: Because plastic is so last year. I love it. :D)

    Onto a heavier subject: well, I kind of agree with Pierrot le Fou who commented above me. Everything everywhere is about sex. Someone once told me that because sex is necessary for the survival of species and it produces a sense of pleasure, using sex like we do would be equivalent to a different planet using food in the same way. I mean, if we visited that planet and saw food everywhere as a means of producing pleasure in the eyes of the population, we'd be completely weirded out.

    On a side note, my rant doesn't have too much to do with the actual topic. I'm good like that.

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  58. Ok, first about the outfit, I wanted to pick up this jeans jacket for such a long time :) and going to do so for sure! It looks great on you, btw!

    Second issue... Coming from a country where getting raped is like getting a look on the streets. It's truly horrible, many underaged girls, women and even children suffer from it. And it's still being tolerated. Living here is so much more safe, but still. Believe me, from what I've seen and experienced, throwing a remark is nothing compared to it. But NOTHING should be tolerated.
    This issue must be talked about at schools and just be a taboo and not taken lightly at all!

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  59. Supermooie outfit, is idd niet iets dat ik meteen bij jouw stijl zou plaatsen, maar het staat je wel awesome.

    Ik ga straks de link in je post doorlezen, vind het heel fijn dat je niet enkel aandacht besteed aan gewoon kledij maar ook grotere -en vele belangrijkere- topics. Go Annebeth!

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  60. Amaai Annebeth lookin' gooood! Maybe you should write your thesis about this subject next year!?

    Yeah I totally understand what you are saying. Women will always be regarded as sexual objects and I think this is the reason why the entertainmentindustry and tv shows come up with stories that invole rape, sexual harassement. Because they know that television ratings will increase.

    On the one hand I think it's necessary to talk about these subjects, women have to be aware of the fact that there are perverts in the world. By making a storyline about this they want to warn us to be careful.

    One the other hand it shows again that men still dominate this society and the fact that women are subjected to men! It always have to be somethin' about sex, rapes and boobs. DISGUSTING!!!!

    A month ago I went to a meeting of a magazine and a guy said that he wanted to see more articles about sex and nude women. The fucking perve! Everybody was laughing including other women, except me. The fact that these women found it hilarious is a big problem because it shows that they find these remarks quite normal!

    BTW I forgot to see the last episode of Code 37! Who was the murderer?

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  61. This is a really good post. There was a huge scandal where I live because a police said would wouldn't be raped as much if they didn't dress like sluts. We had a huge protest and everything. I love reading what you had to say on the issue and I agree with you.

    Cute outfit btw. SUch an awesome jaket.

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  62. Annebeth, I so agree with you!!! Living on a college campus really opened my eyes to sexual abuse and how rampant it is. And it's not just women. One in four reported rape cases are actually male on male, which, in some states (in the US at least) isn't even called "rape" by the courts... it's called "sexual battery with a foreign object." It took me a long time to realize that a lot of my experiences from when I was younger - being 12 and paying for something at the grocery store and an older man touching my hair, just one example - were sexual abuse. Mainly because I think society tries to train women that those kind of incidents aren't "threatening" but just someone hitting on you. Gross.

    Same thing with the internet. Girls post naked photos of themselves on Tumblr to get compliments and they don't realize that they should be incredibly skeeved out by the responses they receive from people who are way too old for them and not the safest people on the planet! Gahhh! I get so mad.

    Anyway. You look cute. This was a great post. You have a knack for saying just the right thing at the right time.

    XO Michelle
    http://lockedoutfashion.blogspot.com

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  63. over here there is a big sort of footy rape mentality and a lot of girls have been assaulted by football players over the years yet people always seem to say 'she probably deserved it cos she was all over him' or 'she was dressed for it' etc. so wrong. since when does that signify you can force yourself onto someone. kinda not really what you were referring to i know but it came to mind as well. anyway. you look cool as a cucumber lovely.

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  64. Stephanie: the rape itself isn't shown as entertaining, but why the hell do we watch the show as entertainment then, with glossy, tantalizing flashbacks?

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  65. ...but then again I don't really watch CSI for forensic type shows. Maybe don't watch them.

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  66. Shows about rape being entertaining? Waaah? Anytime I see rape on a show it's portrayed as horrific, a crime against women, and surely not 'glorified'. Weird.

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  67. Your photos are so cute! Love the dress!

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  68. you look so chic and chill! i love your outfit :)

    http://sarassweetstyle.blogspot.com/

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  69. you look great! i want to invest in a jean jacket like yours!

    i just came across your blog. i think its great. i hope you will come visit mine and maybe we can follow eachother!

    www.wotsworthwhile.blogspot.com

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  70. pretty casual look
    nice dress with the denim jacket

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  71. S&M is just quite classless if you ask me, especially after the whole Chris Brown affaire, but S&M an sich isn't a rape society problem if you ask me. As long as people CHOOSE to play a sexual game of submission and domination, it has nothing to do with rape. No one is being forced to do anything against their will. If anything, it mostly disturbs me that with her history and her knowledge, she doesn't seem to send out a good message to the people who might be confronted with the same issues by sexualizing it. However, this probably doesn't disturb me quite as much because the lyrics are in english, which makes them more like "lalala" for people whose mothertongue isn't english instead of a real "message", unless they really stop to analyze the lyrics. A tvseries however is way more in your face because you really try to follow the narrative. Also, Rihanna's love the way you lie and S&M seem to be more about a personal story/personal preference than a society wide issue. The problem with crimeshows isn't necessarily the way the issues are being handled, but the fact that people keep being entertained by violence inflicted on women. This disturbs me, especially if I hear people who are watching tv with me jest in a way like "yeah, well, she shouldn't have gone out dressed like that anyway". Uhm, maybe the RAPIST shouldn't RAPE HER. How the fuck is the victim to blame?

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  72. Hahaha, GIMME THAT OUTFIT! Goed geraden: ik ben er helemaal weg van!
    Maar ik moet zeggen dat jij er heel goed mee staat! En je weet dat ik je casual staartje zo mooi vind hé :)

    Serious saturday indeed. Als ik tijd heb, ga ik die blog echt eens lezen. Maar dat ga ik nog even uitstellen want het zag er een héle brok tekst uit! :)

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  73. It may not be a 100% "you" outfit, but you look amazing! I'd wear this right now ;) In fact I look forward to go to Portugal in a week so I can steal my sister's converse shoes hehe :)

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  74. Oh! Past u echt wel hoor! Super outfit en ja Paulien zou dat echt wel dragen :D

    xxxo

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  75. Echt wel confronterend om al de reacties hier te lezen... Ik heb er nooit echt bij stilgestaan, omdat het ook allemaal zo 'gewoon' geworden is... En dat is net het probleem.. Ook het hele doofpotgedoe stoort me enorm! Toen ik 14 was ging ik elke zaterdag naar de tekenacademie. Rond 5 uur in de namiddag hadden we altijd een korte pauze en wandelden we met een groepje tot aan een klein winkeltje om iets te eten te kopen. Op de hoek van de straat woonde een gezin. De man had al wel vaker eens een opmerking gemaakt wanneer ik voorbij fietste, maar ik negeerde dit altijd gewoon. Op zo'n zaterdagnamiddag stond er opeens een garagepoort open aan de zijkant van het huis. Plots viel het me op dat die man, zich half verschuilend aan het masturberen was, terwijl hij naar ons aan het kijken was. Ik bleef een beetje perplex staan en riep naar een iets oudere man, een voorbijganger, wat er aan de hand was. Guess what? 'Wandel maar gewoon door meisjes, daar wil ik niks mee te maken hebben, laat hem maar gewoon doen' WTF?!
    Ik heb geen seconde getwijfeld en meteen de politie opgebeld. Ondertussen had de pervert door wat er gaande was en sloot zijn poort. Binnen de 5 min stond er een combi aan zijn deur & hij werd opgepakt. Later moest ik nog even langs het bureau om een verklaring af te leggen en hem te identificeren. Blijkbaar was hij niet alleen pervers maar ook nog eens dom. De garage was niet van hem en de verhuurder had al vaker de indruk dat er iemand in de garage kwam, dus hij had er stand gestrooid. De kerel zijn voetafdrukken stonden daar dus in.
    Een lang verhaal, maar toen ik mijn ouders belde vanuit het politiestation, waren ze echt oprecht trots op mij en zo voelde ik me ook. Ik ben blij dat ik tenminste één van die vetzakken het even moeilijk gemaakt heb.

    En zo heb ik nog veel andere verhalen gehoord spijtig genoeg... Elke dag ben ik dankbaar dat ik niets 'erger' heb moeten meemaken!

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  76. bedankt om dit te delen. Heel knap dat je voor jezelf hebt durven opkomen, eigenlijk zouden we dat allemaal moeten doen maar jammer genoeg slagen viespeuken erin om ons mede-schuldig te doen voelen omdat we nu eenmaal zondige dragers van sex-appeal zijn. Omdat we bestaan in hun wereld. Bah. Fijn dat de politie het zo serieus nam, de wereld is net zoveel van ons als van hun en wij moeten gerespecteerd worden.

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