Peter Pan Collared Feminist


I just needed to share something with you guys.



THERE

I've been quite the Tumblr addict lately. There is just SO MUCH AWESOME STUFF out there! And more importantly, aweome people. I had another feminism related interaction on my Tumblr today, and I wanted to post about it on my blog so here goes.

The older I get, the more I get into feminism. I am probably speaking for a lot of female readers within my age bracket when I say that this is a fairly recent evolution.  Going to university and developing more distance between myself and the world, reflecting on things and why they are the way they are have certainly been factors in this equasion. Are you one of those girls who proclaim to having more guy-friends than girlfriends? Well, I hope that my post will change something about that and raise some awareness. I'm not trying to point fingers, I just think that when it comes to things like these, you can reach a lot of people just by making them think.

I was one of those girls who used to say they preferred guys to girls for company or friendship. After all, girls can be bitches. Whenever you hang out with girls, there is so much bullshit going around. Gossip, backhanded compliments, envy and tension. And whenever girls talk, it's ALWAYS about relationships, chickflicks, Twilight or other people. With guys you can at least TALK about COOL things, like videogames, rockmusic or horrormovies, right?  Sound familiar? If it does, think about this: you are putting other women down as a group of interchangable losers, and you are demeaning yourself in the process. At least admit it to yourself: you are saying this because you know that it makes you sound cool. Men (and society in general) really like it when a girl likes doing "man" things as opposed to "girl" things. And you get extra points if you are a girl that hates other girls! This is considered an attractive quality, and it feels so good to be one of the "in crowd", picking on silly girls doing silly girl things. By sucking up (pun intended), you almost feel like part of the elite as opposed to another insecure little girl.

You might think I am just another overreacting dramaqueen or a feminist bitch. Well, you're feeling like this because patriarchy is telling you this is how you should feel. Feminism isn't about being a bitch. Feminism is about wanting to be considered equal, about gender not being a factor that determines whether you deserve to be treated with respect. How can anyone be against basic human equality? Feminists aren't overreacting. When you are saying you prefer guys-things to girl-things, and when you consciously say this with an air feeling superior to silly girls who prefer girl-things, you are implying that feminine < masculine. Why should you feel better than a girl who likes pink, make up, shopping and talking about boys, just because you don't? Things that are considered typically feminine are in no way inferior to things that are considered typically masculine, and putting other people down just conveys your insecurity. It doesn't make you cooler. By disliking a person based on a few interests you don't share, you are limiting a human being with a unique personality to "a chick".  That's sexism for ya. And you might think that this isn't that big of a deal. After all, it's just banter, right? Wrong. By sustaining this way of speaking about women, you are sustaining a way of thinking in terms of superior vs inferior. That dichotomy is part of human society in so many ways and it dictates our lives on a much deeper level than most people realize. Just open a dictionary and see how many more cursewords are related to the female compared to the male. Or just a few simple examples: "You throw like a girl" (because all girls throw bad, and because it is ridiculous to throw like a girl). "Stop being a whiny little bitch" (I don't think this one needs any explanation). Feminism is still very relevant.

Yeah, maybe some women do bitch a lot. But women are also compassionate. We carry the world on our shoulders. We strive to be perfect every single day and we never feel like we are good enough. We are AWESOME. And you will never have more in common with men in general than with women in general, because society treats all women roughly the same way. We face the same struggles, the same expectations, and often the same dreams and goals. Trust me, female friendship can be incredibly rewarding. Even if that means you won't be able to talk about videogames or anime.



Fashion, body image and feminism are very interesting bloggingtopics. Here are some posts I've been inspired by lately: Silhouette Girl, Aha Shake Heartbreaker(as much as I love Vicky, this post of hers was just part of the problem I'm trying to describe here: read the comments on her post), Shameless, Two Whole Cakes. Have any other recommendations? Let me know! And be sure to chime in on the issue, I love reading your opinions.

dress: ASOS
tights: Pimkie
clogs: New Look
headband: Etsy (little honey pies)

PS: I was fooling around with the pretty pink cherry blossom petals on our patio and I got a little carried away.

51 comments

  1. I LOVE EVERYTHING THAT YOU'RE SAYING.

    The End.

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  2. Yup, I love it too! I am and always will be a proud (very proud) and vocal feminist. Always.

    xoxo ~ Courtney
    http://sartorialsidelines.blogspot.com

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  3. Very interesting, and I agree with a lot of this. And I always used to prefer guy company, until I found myself with absolutely no girlfriends around one year and I nearly went nuts from being unable to express myself to people who knew what I was talking about.

    However, sometimes I hate hanging around with girls. Sorry. I don't have a problem with talking about relationships and such things; in fact I like it. But there are those times when you go out with six girls for several hours and they talk about relationships the whole time until you want to scream. That doesn't make me anti-femininst... if anything I think it makes them anti-feminist for not diversifying their thoughts out of the domestic sphere. I actually think guys alone talk about stupid stuff too... but I think there's a great mix that happens when the genders are forced to communicate on topics they can agree on.

    Anyway, just my two cents worth...

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  4. P.S. Lovely dress! OMG, does that make me sound shallow?! ; )

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  5. That dress is AMAZZZINNGGGG. Oh my gosh! The peter pan collar is just adorable. I need it! I love your tights too!

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  6. cute dress, i love the white collar and the white tights :)


    <3 steffy
    Steffys Pros and Cons

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  7. First off, absolutely love your outfit in every way possible. It is just perfect in my book.

    Secondly, thank you so much for posting this. In college, I studied Gender and Women's Studies. Feminism is something that I am very passionate about. I am hyperaware of how society implements gender roles into our daily interactions. I do not see a difference between gender- I find that to be limiting in our ability to interact with a diverse group of individuals. In the states, I find gender to be even more divided- particularly in regard to pay rates in the professional fields. It's very frustrating.

    xoxo

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  8. Annebeth:

    Men and women are exactly the same within - it's something I strongly feel. The presentation of what's within that is affected by social expectations; rigidly defined gender roles define actions, behaviors, and self presentation. These archetypes are simply artificial constructs of history, society, and status quo. The barriers between the genders have no place in a modern and enlightened society.

    After all, gender is perhaps the first pieces of knowledge you have - and everything is built around that. Your very first thoughts and knowledge from the time you begin speaking - you may know two words, but you also know if you're a girl or a boy - even though there is no functional difference between men and women's bodies prior to puberty.

    As for gender roles - I find it intriguing that women are encouraged and viewed positively when they aspire to or do things traditionally associated with a male gender role. A 'tomboy' is positive connotation. Why? Society dictates that men are superior, of course. If women wish to aspire to some ill defined superiority, that's good.

    If men wish to do things the other way around, however, a man takes on qualities that would be traditionally associated with a female, well, then he's branded a 'sissy'. Because society dictates women are inferior, of course.

    And yet there's another interesting contradiction - in the workplace, men who have children are more likely to be promoted to positions of higher responsibility, and tend to be viewed with greater competence.

    Interesting that just the opposite occurs with women: those who have children are less likely to receive pay raises and promotions.

    It makes utterly no sense how society handles the gender roles - so many unspoken rules that all of western civilization seems to adhere to. It has no place in a modern and enlightened society - and this just goes to show, for all the progress we've made, we still have such a long way to go before true equality is present. There is much work to be done.

    Lovely outfit as always...

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  9. Such an intelligent post. I agree with everything you've said! Its so easy to whinge on about feminism and then go and be sexist yourself. I love how you bring this to light.

    I love the photos at the beginning as well, they are nothing short of beautiful!

    Grace x
    secretly styled.

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  10. I love your outfit! Adorable dress and the first picture is so beautiful. I love how the flower petal thingies are flying around. Awesome shot =)

    As for rest of this post, I'm totally guilty of the whole "i like guys better thing" However, I should really rephrase it as "I USUALLY prefer male company. I do have tons of female friends that I love because they have similar interests and are actually gossip free individuals. Instead of assuming that all women will provide nothing but gossip and Twilight talk ( haha), I now have a much more open mind and try to think of possible things that I have in common with others rather that differences. Interesting post!

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  11. you seriously look adorable!
    http://sarassweetstyle.blogspot.com/

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  12. Wow, yet another amazing post!!! You look so pretty, and it looks like you had a fun time with the cherry blossom petals. :)

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  13. Honestly, I don't what to say. We studied feminism in college. It really made me realize a lot of things and that there should always be equal opportunity to all sexes. I don't feel inferior to men nor superior. I even have a guy bff who's responsible for my blog photos lately. They sometimes get your drift and I agree that being friends with the same sex is rewarding. :)

    Great post, Annebeth.

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  14. Right on! Great post and outfit. I've always felt insulted when another girl/woman would tell me that she only hangs out with boys/men. To totally dismiss female company IS sexist. I grew up in a family with two daughters and two sons. I'm very close to my siblings of both genders, and I have friends of both genders. When I was in junior high, I was bullied by kids of both genders, and I met kind people of both genders with whom I had a lot in common. My girlfriends and I talk about movies and clothes and comics and linguistics and, yes, relationships (gasp!) and jobs and politics and makeup and writing and cooking...well, anyway, thanks for this post, Annebeth!

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  15. Great post!!
    At school I had a hard time making girl friends. Most of the other girls didn't find me very interesting or worth their time as I wasn't very feminine and had very strict parents. So I used the "I PREFER having guy friends anyways" as a shield to hide behind. I tried to come across s preferring guy friends, even though I felt terribly alone and left out. Recently, in the past few years, I have found myself with more female fiends than male friends. Funny how things change. We go through so many phases and changes, and I am definitely grateful to have that special understanding that comes with a good girl friend. :) xo

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  16. This is a really wonderful post, I really love some of the points you've brought up. I grew up with all brothers and my best friend from birth was a boy. I have a lot more guy friends but that doesn't mean I always prefer their company. I love my guy friends, don't get me wrong, but I can't always express myself to them. And sometimes they're just plain gross, haha. This year my two closest girl friends moved away and then I realized how much my female friends mean to me. I want more girl friends, but for some reason I find it difficult at times, especially if they have completely different morals and interests.
    I think having a balanced relationship with both genders is really healthy.

    P.S. your dress is so cute, love that you played with the cherry blossoms!
    xJennaD

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  17. lady, what a wonderful post. As usual you look amazing and i want to steel that dress of your back. But also great things to have brought up and youv'e got my brain a ticking. Also thanks for sharing some of the posts youve been inspired by lately. I'm off to check them out now
    x

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  18. how fabulous are you?? not only your outfit is, but you have brains too I already knew that BTW). love the fact that you think about the world around you. and let me tell you, the older you get, the more you will think about it.

    so as i said, i love the outfit, i am used seeing you in a lot more color, but this one works for me. the dress has, again, the most perfect shape, and i love that adorable collar. the tights rock, i love them because they are perfect for spring. such a delicate texture.

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  19. wow i just spent like half an hour reading through the other posts and comments, i didnt even read vickys when it was up =/. I dont choose my friends based on their gender, i choose them on personality. I used to say yeh i like guys better, but i think it was cos i was so used to having girl-friends that i never knew oh wow guys ARE cool. obviously as you age you realise 'hey, everyone should be considered equal and given equal opportunity' etc etc. i can safely say i have a good mix of girl and guy friends and i love to chill with them all and i would never deface any girls by saying they're boring, bitchy whatever. who would i talk to about fashion and gossip girl with if they were gone. aaaaaaanyway!! your interview is up :) change of subject yes, but thanks for doing it your answers were excellent ;) xo

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  20. Ik ben daar eigenlijk niet zo hard mee bezig. Ik heb zowel mannelijke als vrouwelijke vrienden en op dat vlak denk ik er totaal niet aan om te zien dat ik beide gelijk behandel en een gelijke kans geef. Oké vroeger was ik wel een halve jongen, maar omdat ik op een meisjesschool zat had ik meer vriendinnen dan vrienden. Natuurlijk ben ik het er ook mee eens dat vrouwen gelijk zijn aan mannen en dat we evenveel betaald zouden moeten krijgen als we dezelfde job beoefenen, maar feminisme is niet iets wat mij vaak bezig houdt.

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  21. I just became completely engrossed in this post. It's made me really think about a lot of things. I completely agree with your views.
    On a separate not, I love the tights/shoes combination.
    x

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  22. Wat een super lief jurkje!^^ Mooi met die bloesem trouwens:)

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  23. Great post Annabeth, I so agree with you x

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  24. You make a very good point, en ik denk dat ik wel nog schuldig kan bevonden worden aan het "ik heb mannelijke kwaliteiten & ben daar trots" op in vgl met een vrouw die heel erg girlie is ofzo. Ik zou mij daar niet beter om moeten voelen, maar come to think of it, sommige kwaliteiten zijn gwn irritant of je nu man of vrouw bent :) Ik hou ervan als mensen rationeel en redelijk zijn, een kwaliteit die vaker aan mannen wordt toegewezen.

    Other than that, very cute dress :) one of my faves!

    brunetteblogging.com

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  25. It's so easy to fall into making sweeping comments without really thinking about what they actually means. I'm a girl with a lot of male friends, and it's true that I do sometimes catch myself saying things like, "men are just less complicated to get along with." It's insane; I don't think that, I say it because the female=inferior training I have kicks in and I want to justify it. Distance myself from the negative stereotype.
    People don't seem to realise that women can be anti-women, when of course they can. Sometimes, we're our own worst enemies for reinforcing our apparent lesser worth.
    It's too easy to sit back and let other people say these things too. You don't want to start a row, but sometimes it has to be said, "hey, that's not cool" when someone says something disparaging. And sometimes we have to say that to our selves.

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  26. such a cute outfit! love the clogs!
    xx

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  27. Heyhey,

    Nice post, although I do think that feminists of the 21st century should know their boundaries and face the reality like it really is: shouting for extreme quota in companies and other jobmarkets is a few steps too far, in a society like this where men and women are intelligent enough to live equally together. We live in the 21st century, things aren't really that bad, huh? And women of today are strong enough to speak for themselves, I guess, so I'm not really a big fan of those old-fashioned feminist organisations that pretend to be 'the voice of all women on earth' ... :)

    And btw: nice dress!!! :)

    X Ingeborg
    http://nevertrendingstory.wordpress.com

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  28. Love this post. I was discussing this with a friend recently. So many factors play into this issue. I used to be a guy friend only kinda girl. But the funny thing about growing up is realizing how valuable all women are and we all stuggle in the same ways. We realize that girls that are being "bitchy" most likely are using that as a self defense mechanism.
    I am now, a huge proponent of women empowering each other. The cadiness between women is society driven and only women have the power to stop that by choosing to act differently.

    Anywho, that's my two cents:) Btw, thank you for commenting on my post recently.

    xoxo!

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  29. Those blossoms are fantastic, I can't blame you getting carried away. Those clogs look great too, you keep making me wish I had a pair!

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  30. Gorgeous. Love the dress.

    C x
    http://www.memiorsofalittlethingcalledlife.blogspot.com/

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  31. Wat een lief jurkje! Staat je echt heel leuk!! xxx

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  32. OMIGOSH! Thank you so so much for posting this about feminism! It really ticks me off when guys are like "oh girls are so stupid, they only talk about make-up and gossip and relationships." Boys can be immature, as can girls, so it REALLY annoys me when other girls start talking about those ditsy subjects "oh Tom is so cute, oh i'm going to bitch about you to him, blah blah." Or when girls say "I like video games. That makes me sort of anti-girly." They're totally just reinstating women<men, which, as we know isn't true at all. Haha, my favorite line is "Feminism isn't about being a bitch." That's a great one!

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  33. I was reading this thinking about how I've never even realized that I'm guilty of this because it's so damn common for girls to state they prefer the company of males. I can get along with pretty much anyone, though I do incidentally have more male friends than female. Now that I'm pondering it, I probably do that because I'm more likely to be insecure around/intimidated by my fellow females. It's sad that I feel that way.

    I hate that "bitching" is thought of as something feminine - people are always confused when I call a guy a bitch but don't mean that he's girly. I suppose referring to anyone as a bitch just indicates that I'm kind of mean, but it's irritating that most negative names as such are intended to refer to women.

    I feel like such a hypocrite since you mentioned my post and all (thanks!), but I suppose realizing is the first step to changing, no?

    xox

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  34. You look gorgeous! And this post is so true! While I do enjoy doing "guy things" I also love doing girly things and hanging out with girls!
    I used to be one of the girls that was one of the guys but slowly I've started doing the same thing as you and letting my girlyness come out and being proud of it! GO GIRLS! :D
    http://www.closet-fashionista.com

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  35. Wat een leuke foto's met die roze blaadjes,
    ik kijk graag naar je foto's, inspirerend! Je bent echt goed in wat je doet :)

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  36. When people say things like "you throw like a girl" or guys shake their heads at me and go "you're SUCH a girl" I take it as a compliment (and sometimes have the comeback "it's better than being a boy!" ;) ).
    I love being a girl. Yes, I love horror movies and hiking and I get annoyed when ALL girls do is talk about makeup and Twilight... but at the same time, it can be fun. I love girly things, I love being feminine, and I love... just being a girl.

    And even though there are things about being a girl that sometimes annoy me-- like being overemotional-- I embrace those things because they make me who I am, and I wouldn't change that for the world.

    But I think more than just what you said, we need to start realizing that we have to be true to ourselves-- whether we're girls or boys-- and not try to be something we aren't. We need to find the beauty within ourselves, and counteract the flaws and demeaning sayings with positive outlooks and the confidence to say "Yes, I am a girl. Yes, I am feminine, I do talk about makeup, and I don't have very good aim. So what? It's who I am, and I'm not ashamed of that."

    Changing the world starts with changing ourselves. :)
    I love your outfit. And your playing with the cherry blossoms. And your blogs. You're beautiful inside and out.

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  37. Oh! And the "reblog if you've looked in the mirror and cried" thing... totally made my day. So great!

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  38. Geweldige post, helemaal mee eens. Wat ik ook altijd opvallend vind is dat het gemiddelde "vrouwenmagazine" zoals glam*it of dergelijke eigenlijk alleen maar gaat over dat jij als vrouw perfect moet zijn.

    Hoe je moet afvallen, hoe je je het slankst kleedt, hoe je een vent moet strikken en hoe je een man moet behagen.
    Als er dan "positief" over vrouwen wordt gesproken is het meestal over de seksualiteit van de vrouw. Terwijl een vrouw veel meer is dan een koppel tieten en een vagina, dacht ik.

    Feminisme komt gewoon bijna niet ter sprake. Er is maar een heel klein stukje van die magazines toegewijd aan andere aspecten, zoals muziek, kunst, boeken of interessante verhalen over vrouwen die iets uitzonderlijks hebben meegemaakt.

    Dit is trouwens ook een van de redenen waarom ik Glee heel cool vind. Dat zijn dingen die ter sprake komen, heel erg goed in een serie waar vooral jongere naar kijken. En natuurlijk dat ze gaybashing aanspreken, lots of love for Glee!

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  39. Geweldige post, helemaal mee eens. Wat ik ook altijd opvallend vind is dat het gemiddelde "vrouwenmagazine" zoals glam*it of dergelijke eigenlijk alleen maar gaat over dat jij als vrouw perfect moet zijn.

    Hoe je moet afvallen, hoe je je het slankst kleedt, hoe je een vent moet strikken en hoe je een man moet behagen.
    Als er dan "positief" over vrouwen wordt gesproken is het meestal over de seksualiteit van de vrouw. Terwijl een vrouw veel meer is dan een koppel tieten en een vagina, dacht ik.

    Feminisme komt gewoon bijna niet ter sprake. Er is maar een heel klein stukje van die magazines toegewijd aan andere aspecten, zoals muziek, kunst, boeken of interessante verhalen over vrouwen die iets uitzonderlijks hebben meegemaakt.

    Dit is trouwens ook een van de redenen waarom ik Glee heel cool vind. Dat zijn dingen die ter sprake komen, heel erg goed in een serie waar vooral jongere naar kijken. En natuurlijk dat ze gaybashing aanspreken, lots of love for Glee!

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  40. When people say things like "you throw like a girl" or guys shake their heads at me and go "you're SUCH a girl" I take it as a compliment (and sometimes have the comeback "it's better than being a boy!" ;) ).
    I love being a girl. Yes, I love horror movies and hiking and I get annoyed when ALL girls do is talk about makeup and Twilight... but at the same time, it can be fun. I love girly things, I love being feminine, and I love... just being a girl.

    And even though there are things about being a girl that sometimes annoy me-- like being overemotional-- I embrace those things because they make me who I am, and I wouldn't change that for the world.

    But I think more than just what you said, we need to start realizing that we have to be true to ourselves-- whether we're girls or boys-- and not try to be something we aren't. We need to find the beauty within ourselves, and counteract the flaws and demeaning sayings with positive outlooks and the confidence to say "Yes, I am a girl. Yes, I am feminine, I do talk about makeup, and I don't have very good aim. So what? It's who I am, and I'm not ashamed of that."

    Changing the world starts with changing ourselves. :)
    I love your outfit. And your playing with the cherry blossoms. And your blogs. You're beautiful inside and out.

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  41. You look gorgeous! And this post is so true! While I do enjoy doing "guy things" I also love doing girly things and hanging out with girls!
    I used to be one of the girls that was one of the guys but slowly I've started doing the same thing as you and letting my girlyness come out and being proud of it! GO GIRLS! :D
    http://www.closet-fashionista.com

    ReplyDelete
  42. OMIGOSH! Thank you so so much for posting this about feminism! It really ticks me off when guys are like "oh girls are so stupid, they only talk about make-up and gossip and relationships." Boys can be immature, as can girls, so it REALLY annoys me when other girls start talking about those ditsy subjects "oh Tom is so cute, oh i'm going to bitch about you to him, blah blah." Or when girls say "I like video games. That makes me sort of anti-girly." They're totally just reinstating women<men, which, as we know isn't true at all. Haha, my favorite line is "Feminism isn't about being a bitch." That's a great one!

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  43. Wat een lief jurkje! Staat je echt heel leuk!! xxx

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  44. cute dress, i love the white collar and the white tights :)


    <3 steffy
    Steffys Pros and Cons

    ReplyDelete
  45. That dress is AMAZZZINNGGGG. Oh my gosh! The peter pan collar is just adorable. I need it! I love your tights too!

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  46. Very interesting, and I agree with a lot of this. And I always used to prefer guy company, until I found myself with absolutely no girlfriends around one year and I nearly went nuts from being unable to express myself to people who knew what I was talking about.

    However, sometimes I hate hanging around with girls. Sorry. I don't have a problem with talking about relationships and such things; in fact I like it. But there are those times when you go out with six girls for several hours and they talk about relationships the whole time until you want to scream. That doesn't make me anti-femininst... if anything I think it makes them anti-feminist for not diversifying their thoughts out of the domestic sphere. I actually think guys alone talk about stupid stuff too... but I think there's a great mix that happens when the genders are forced to communicate on topics they can agree on.

    Anyway, just my two cents worth...

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  47. Yup, I love it too! I am and always will be a proud (very proud) and vocal feminist. Always.

    xoxo ~ Courtney
    http://sartorialsidelines.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  48. I LOVE EVERYTHING THAT YOU'RE SAYING.

    The End.

    ReplyDelete